How to get married and live happily ever after -- as told by marriage experts.

Hi. That's me. The marriage expert. I've been married for about 10 minutes and therefore have way more life experience than all you single people. Bask in my wisdom.

No but really, my relationship is freakin sweet and he liked it and put a ring on it....  but not before we developed our super secret relationship sauce. Here's part of that recipe: 

1. Equal parts respect and love. 

When you find the person you want to buy a minivan with, I sure hope you love them --that's one of those things you write down so you don't forget ("be... in... love........check"). 

Love will give you butterflies and stars and rainbows and happiness - all good things. 

But respect will give you meaningful conversations, a partner to figure out life's wo's with, a sounding board when you need someone you trust to bounce ideas off of, a secure, safe place to express your deepest insecurities and wildest dreams, and someone who can push you towards goodness and growth without pushing you towards breaking. 

Wouldn't it be awesome to be around someone who always wants your help, needs your opinion, and doesn't just make you feel wanted and important, but truly believes that you are? Trust me. It's pretty freakin great. Get dat respect. *insert encouraging gang sign* 

2. Equal parts like and love. 

When you find the person you want to buy a mini-- * Insert twilight zone music*.. You're welcome for the Deja Vu. This wasn't even an intentional theme. Yay unintentional themes. 

So. We've established that loving each other -- super important. Got it.

Love is loving every part of your human -- their flaws, their quirks, their twitchy sleeping habits (my bad). 

Think of love as the emotion you feel for your family. Even if they were a jerk and stole your shirt and were perpetually in a bad mood, or forgot to pick you up from your hair appointment or soccer game, you'd still hang out with them  (eventually)-- or at least claim them as family cuz well - you love them. 

But as awesome as love is -- you need to like your spouse, relationship partner, whatever, just as much as you love them. You cannot be moving around 24 hours a day. You will not be going on "The Bachelor" dates  to Tahiti every week. You will probably watch netflix and make dinner together more than you hit the town and show each other off. You NEED (emphasis with capslock. it's a new thing) I repeat... NEEEEED.. to like your person. 

Think of like as the emotion you feel for your friends -- you want to hang out with them for a reason. They're the family you get to choose... and UN-choose. If they suck to be around, or generally as a person -- you aren't going to be friends with them (or at least you shouldn't be). We all have the friends that we could spend 24/7 with and not get sick of them.. when some days you don't even have to talk - you can just chill and be content with chilling. FIND THIS IN A PARTNER. 

If you want to be together 24/7  -- it'll make being together 24/7 a lot more fun. 

3. Kindness. 

I was going to say like - "sprinkle kindness" or "9 cups of kindness".. trying to keep up that whole "recipe" thing that you all had forgotten until I reminded you of it. But 1. i didn't like it. and 2. If we're gonna go there just take all the kindness you have on your shelf and dump it in our relationship cookie dough. 

Kindness is the key to having hard conversations, and feeling secure enough to have hard conversations. Kindness is the key to trust in relationships. 

Remember when i talked about the person who can push you towards goodness and growth without pushing you towards breaking and you all went... "huh?". This is the explanation for that. When you are kind and you have a kind partner, you truly care about each other's well being. Sometimes to achieve happiness you - or they - need to be told something extremely hard to swallow. (it's bound to happen when you pick to be with someone.. i don't know... like forever) If you know your partner will be kind and has your well being at heart you can trust that they are saying these things not with malice or mean spirited awfulness - but to help you. 

If you are not kind in all times, in all things, and all places and situations - how will your partner ever distinguish between the two? There are always 2 ways to say something. Kindness is ALWAYS an option. 

Don't get callous with the person you care about the most - that matters the most - and think that kindness was a "honeymoon phase" thing. Don't kid yourself. 

Take it from me - a marriage expert. With these 3 things in your love recipe, your relationship is sure to be sweet. 

And that's the way the cookie crumbles. 

I heard it too. I'm sorry. too much.